I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
