Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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