Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
