is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
