Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
