my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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