Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
