today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
