I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
