HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
