I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
