you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
