Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
