I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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