Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You smell like stripper and shame
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
