I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
