Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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