Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
