Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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