Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
