So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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