I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
honey bunches of taint.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
