You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
