ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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