why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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