a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
