No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i came on her dog
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
