I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
