Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
