dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
