OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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