Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
