just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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