My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
