I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
