Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
