How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
