It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
