I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
