I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
