how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
