just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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