Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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