we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
