He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
