Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
