I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
