i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
