What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
