i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
