I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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