Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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