i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
